If I Turn Into a Black Rose video released!

Here it is! My video release for “If I Turn Into a Black Rose,” shot and edited by Michael J. Epstein and Sophia Cacciola, two people I trust and hold in high regard for their integrity, professionalism, and their own creative endeavors. It was a great experience working with them and collaborating.

The video is simple, yet lush and goth. Porcelain Dalya dances, making wavelets with her arms in the sun-dappled, glowing background. She is the red rose; the purity and force of new love. Nefertara Hotep is the mischievous and magical black rose faerie, appearing and disappearing suddenly behind and between dark trees, antagonizing love; the undercurrent of transformation, how love changes. Will my lover accept me when I become, at times, a black rose? The sincerity and anxiety of unfolding ourselves and revealing our imperfections, adulterating the idealism and magnetic force lovers first hold toward each other.

Dalya & Nefertara delivered gorgeous performances. They are so dear and wonderful to work with.

Nefertara Hotep is also the Church of Vanity who did the make up and made the crowns for me and the Black Rose character. I love her unabashed fantasy images made real. It’s her everyday. As an artist with vision, she has worked with me to tease out and embrace more of my goth feel and look. She could see that dark power in me. 

Meghan O’Connell hosted our preparations. She was a delight and offered us yummy snacks like these local grown peaches and pastries a friend had given her from Lebanon…you can’t get them where we live otherwise. She knitted friendship and a supportive vibe. I felt spoiled and lucky by the whole day.

Love to all of them. I hope you enjoy what we created together.

Blacklight Vegas for my girlfriend Ang Kerfoot & Contents for me

Ang Kerfoot is like this bolt of lightening dressed in punk velvet, grabbing your hand to lead into this cosmic psychedelic disco happening in Las Vegas. I’m not in Las Vegas, so it’s all happening in my mind. She is a catalyst. And it’s fun and inspiring.

She has been so generous and supportive and said so many nice fun art love things to me, and I would like her regardless for her cool music and wild collective creative hive mind. When such is reciprocated it becomes a feedback loop. I composed “Blacklight Vegas” inspired by her. And she did this free-spirited, soulful track for me called “Contents.” I’m so honored. These are our badass roses to each other. This is some kind of ceremony. We are Soundcloud girlfriends now.

We’re going to conspire on shows in Las Vegas and Boston for late spring 2015. Hell yeah.

T Bone Burnett on the state of music and being an artist

This is an excellent talk by T Bone Burnett on the state of music and this specific time of technological transition and thinking about quality in art and the listening experience. He’s a philosopher. I disagree with his advice to keep yourself & your music off the internet, but his reasons are worth considering. He says so much, but I’ll paraphrase a few things I thought were cool: 

Rousseau and TS Eliot were bankers. Some people are better off working their jobs and keeping their art pure away from the economy. There isn’t one way to do it. The thing to focus on is how well do we see? How well do we hear? How beautiful can we make something? How challenging? How can we advance things? How can we not just keep repeating things? 

The challenge of our time is whether the machines are going to control us, or whether we’re going to control them. Greater than terrorism. Maybe even more than climate change [I think climate change is more important, but…]. Earthquakes happen here and there. Terrorism happens here and there. The machines are marching forward. We can’t remember how to get somewhere. We can’t remember phone numbers. The machines tell us where to turn. They tell us what music we’re going to like. They tell us what girl we’re going to like. If they can tell us that, they can tell us what god to worship and they can tell us when to lay down and die.

What happens when electronic chamber music, improvisational collective Tuesday Never Comes meets Anda Volley? Or actually, I meet them in Allston, MA? We make some sick delirious sounds reminiscent of Skinny Puppy, Cocteau Twins, and a flickering, melting movie reel in a dark theater.

Free download of the album here:


Oh! that’s what the oneness thing is!

Hope it’s okay if I post a spiritual thing because I haven’t seriously connected with this side of myself for the longest time, and I’m having so much fun with it right now. Okay, here we go…I didn’t know that expansive, warm, infinite, oneness thing I feel sometime is mystical, and it is mystical regardless if it’s explained as a spiritual, religious, biochemical trick of mind, or in my experience, inexplicable: it just is. I thought one must have visions or hear things to experience the mystical; thanks for my poor education every (shame)anistic movie scene ever. So, it really can be this easy thing that’s there for everyone to connect with, contemplate, & feel to let go of our ego and identity for awhile to feel like we’re part of a greater whole. Even if it is a trick of mind, it’s a nice break and vacation from the identity illusion (another trick of mind) we feel endlessly urgent & neurotic to maintain. I mean, don’t get me wrong, projecting identity can also be hella fun & creative; it’s part of our little stage performances (as in life), and necessary for all the roles we need to fulfill.

It’s okay to appear like you are trying & to fumble

One fear to overcome… At any age, it’s okay to also appear like you are trying & to fumble. Yes, some people will hold an immutable image of you as a two-dimensional flawed thing & never see you as what you’re becoming, but don’t worry about them. Love the people who embark with you. Not all the gifts come naturally or easily. Some are earned and worth exploring. Your greatest gift is to try to be free.